brought a spoon to a knife fight

Embarrassing Things About Me That Suggest I Am Not As Mature As I’d Hoped

1. I have never really been sure I’m washing dishes correctly. I grew up with a dishwasher (the mechanical kind, not an actual human being), and the subject of hand-washing dishes just never came up. 

2. I love Pizza Hut pizza. Especially the stuffed crust kind. Every time someone’s like “Let’s order pizza!” I secretly hope they’ll follow that up with “…from Pizza Hut!” But apparently everyone’s into authentic thin crust pizza with very little cheese and lots of vegetables, to which I must occasionally bellow, “YOU’RE DOING PIZZA WRONG”

3. The zipper fly broke on my favorite pair of cutoff jorts. Instead of getting the zipper fixed (or, alternatively, burning them because they’re cutoff jorts), I’ve just been wearing longer shirts so that no one sees my chonies.

4. I still occasionally shop at Wet Seal even though I’m a 27 year old woman.

5. Sometimes when I’m alone in the house and it’s dark, I worry about ghosts creeping up on me.

I’m celebrating the end of my first day of law school with a delicious Kentucky Ale. If this is going to be my stress level:alcohol potency ratio, I’m pretty sure that in a month I’ll be drinking rubbing alcohol Manhattans. 

You know how I know today’s gonna be a good day? My first thought of the morning was literally “GET MONEY; FUCK BITCHES” for some reason, and then when I was doing my makeup I accidentally dropped my embarrassingly expensive concealer and it landed on the floor instead of in the toilet. 

P.S. Thom Swanson, if you read this, don’t act like I’m so silly for obliquely mentioning Ice Cube and Biggie in the same paragraph because of the East Coast/West Coast beef or whatever. I knew exactly what I was doing.